Obama vs. "Heroes"

Tonight was the concluding episode of Season 3 of "Heroes". In a preview of the fourth season "The Fugitives", Senator Nathan Petrelli is seen successfully pitching a plan to round up all the super-powered to an African American President, who wholeheartedly agrees to his capture and internment plans.

See? I told you Obama would be a problem! But did you listen?

Before that particular scene had ended, I made several quick predictions for the upcoming season, including two that was confirmed by the brief promo for the coming season.

1.) The Heroes would become the hunted. (confirmed)
2.) The Heroes, and other extraordinarily powered individuals, would be rounded up and sent to a Guantanimo-type facility. (confirmed)
3.) They would be forced to work together to escape.
4.) The facility will be run by a cruel, meglo-maniac.
5.) Some sort of world-threatening event will be thwarted by the Heroes, allowing them a substantially favorable view in the eyes of the public, and Executive clemency.

This will all play like some sort of lame Marvel Civil War variant.

As sure as there will be a new dog in the White House (her name will be Michelle Obama) you know I'm right.

http://www.nbc.com/Heroes/

Happy 4th of July!

After I bought a smoke grenade for a future video, my kids asked me why we don't do fireworks. This is why:



Now be a good American and go out drink a few beers, eat some hot dogs, and blow something up.

What Superhero Are You?

Now you can find out. Try this quiz and let me know how you fared in the comment section:


Superhero Quiz by QuizRocket.com Funny Quizzes!
MySpace Quizzes | Stupid Test | Fun Quizes.

You vs. the Zombies

Zombies. Love 'em, hate 'em, just don't let them eat your brains.

How would you fare in a zombie outbreak? We'd all like to think we'd be head-choppin', brain-blastin' heroes like Ash in the "Evil Dead" movies, but would you really rate any higher than "lunch"?

To get an idea of your actual chances for survival, check out the site for Max Brooks, author of "The Zombie Survival Guide" and its companion book "World War Z"(I highly recommend both) and click on the "Calculate Risk" button.




World War Z

My Future 2nd Wife

I think I just found my future second wife:

Truth Be Told: Sarcasm Is an Evolutionary Skill

Neurophysiologist Katherine Rankin at the University of California, San Francisco, has recently discovered that sarcasm, which is both positively funny and negatively nasty, plays an important part in human social interaction.

According to Dr. Rankin, if you don't get sarcasm, you probably have some damage to your parahippocampal gyrus which is located in the right brain. People with dementia, or head injuries in that area, often lose the ability to pick up on sarcasm, and so they don’t respond in a socially appropriate ways.

Or perhaps more correctly, certain managers at my work either aren't as evolutionarily developed as myself or have brain damage (a popular opinion among my co-workers).



Sarcasm Seen as Evolutionary Survival Skill | LiveScience

Did J.K. Rowlings Rip Off Harry Potter Character?

Did J.K. Rowlings rip off the B-movie "Troll" in creating her Harry Potter character?

Granted the most over-rated writer of the millenial generation has more money than the queen, and a legion of lawyers to boot, so it'll be a no contest bout.

However, according to IMDB.com, this 1986 crap/camp film prominently features characters named Harry Potter Jr. and Sr., and "The hero of this film is a boy named Harry Potter and he is surrounded by a fantasy world of witches, wizards and magic - eleven years before J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter novels swept the publishing world."

Maybe she could settle out of court by selling her golden toilet paper holder and giving the proceeds to the original writer and director.



Harry Potty

Ali Lohan: Troll's New Girl? - Marc Malkin - E! Online

Troll (1986)

What's My Father Doing in Italy?

An Italian man dragged his ex-girlfriend out of a pub in Genoa, shoved her into a car and took her to his home where he made her iron and wash dishes after threatening her on Monday.

The man, who was apparently furious at his ex-girlfriend for leaving him, was arrested on charges of kidnapping, police said.

No smart ass comments on this one, just a lesson for all you women out there.


Police artist sketch of the suspect.

Guy kidnaps ex-girlfriend to get ironing done - Yahoo! News

It's All Fun & Games Until Someone Loses An Eye

Thongs for the Memories . . .

Macrida Patterson, 52, is suing lingerie-maker Victoria's Secret, claiming she was injured by one of the company's defective thongs.

She claims she was attempting to try on the thong when a decorative metallic piece flew off the garment and struck her in the eye. She further states that the injury caused her permanent corneal damage, and that she had to miss several days of work to get it treated.

Her attorney said the injury will affect Patterson for the rest of her life.

Victoria's Secret requested to examine the underwear that caused the injury, but Patterson's attorney denied the request.

I don't know what's more appalling here--the shoddy workmanship of Victoria's ass flossers, the fact that her attorney "denied" VS's request for evidence examination (that's a clue to her credibility), or that they let people try on thongs . . . Eeewwwwwww!

Woman Sues Victoria's Secret Over Thong Injury | Southland and California News | News And Video | KTLA - Los Angeles CW Source | Covering Los Angeles News and Entertainment and showing the hottest LA Video | KTLA The CW | Where LA Lives

Lost Chicago Album

Various articles today are promoting the release of the "lost" Chicago album "Stone of Sisyphus" from 1993.

It seems that more and more old bands are suddenly releasing "lost" albums.

Exactly how does one lose something like a recording session? Granted, I have T-shirts I haven't worn in years in the bottom drawer of my dresser, but I think I'd remember the location of something like a collaborative creative project.

But that's just me.

CHICAGO - CHICAGO'S `LOST' ALBUM RELEASED AFTER 15 YEARS

Where Will It Lead, Part 1

With global shortages on staples such as grains, wheat, milk, (and even corn, due to the corrupt ethanol and Mid-American corn lobbyists) and prices being driven ever further due to higher oil-driven transportation costs, where will it all lead?

Is California Ripping Off the Simpsons?

I saw this headline earlier--"California economy boosted by gay marriage bonanza".

The story starts out:

"California's economy is poised for a multi-million-dollar windfall as same-sex marriages get underway here Monday, with the tourist sector eyeing a bonanza as gays and lesbians flock to the state to tie the knot.

Analysts say that a mini-industry will sprout up as California prepares to become the only US state that will allow gays and lesbians from outside the region to get hitched on its soil. Massachusetts, the only other US state to allow same-sex marriage, forbids non-residents from exchanging vows there.

That fact leaves California free to monopolize the same-sex wedding market."

(It continues on and on:)

"Spending by resident same-sex couples on their weddings and by out-of-state couples ... will boost California's economy by over 683.6 million dollars in direct spending over the next three years," the UCLA study reported, adding that the new industry would create around 2,100 new jobs."

(Not quite the cure for the recession we were all hoping for . . .)

"With all its sights and attractions -- and a heritage of tolerance -- gay-friendly Los Angeles will soon be the perfect gay and lesbian wedding destination," Los Angeles tourist office declared on its official website."

(Well, Hooray for Hollywood!)

Does this sound familiar to anyone?

How about Season 16, Episode 10 of "The Simpsons" entitled "There's Something About Marrying"!

You know, the one where Homer makes a lot of fast dough ("Mmmmm, fast dough") for marrying gays, and just about anyone to anything.

I think Matt Groening should sue.



Contributing sources:
California economy boosted by gay marriage bonanza - Yahoo! News

There's Something About Marrying - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

That Old Black Magic

Facing mounting pressure since their come-from-behind defeat by the Boston Celtics in Game Four of the NBA finals, Kobe "I am not a rapist" Bryant and the Los Angeles Lakers decided to get some needed practice.

Bryant, yet another basketball media whore and gangsta idol to millions, has been experiencing some trepidation regarding his Bostonian rivals.

After (self-) reporting that he spent much of the past two days reading a Harry Potter book to his daughters, he commented "It was awesome," he said. "He (Harry Potter, boy wizard and another over-exposed product of over-paid publicists) had more problems dealing with Voldemort than what we have dealing with the media and the Celtics."

Although the comparison between the Celtics and Voldemort is strange, the more perplexing notion is that Kobe can read.

Stick to faking a moving car jump, chump . . .

YouTube - Kobe Bryant Car Jump Exposed!

Celtics in Finals clinchers - BostonHerald.com


"Here I sit broken hearted, tried to . . ."

Dog Facts

Did you know that only dogs and humans have prostates?

This and 23 other fun-filled dog facts can be found at:

25 Crazy Factoids You Never Knew About Dogs at Luv My Pet Blog

(By the way, basset hounds can swim. Just very poorly and they sink quickly.)

What Did You Do On Your Summer Vacation?

Japander:n.,& v.t. 1. a western star who uses his or her fame to make large sums of money in a short time by advertising products in Japan that they would probably never use. ~er (see synecure, prostitute) 2. to make an ass of oneself in Japanese media.

Ever wonder what stars do on their time off of their regular gig? Why soak up big paychecks for Japanese product endorsements, of course!

The Japanese are infaturated with American pop culture, and, unlike here where you actually have to own a particular brand or product you endorse, over there all you silly round eyes have to do is say your lines phonetically and pick up your check on the way back to the airport.

Check out this site for all sorts of fun and lidiculous (I mean ridiculous) celebrity shilling:

Japander.com

Humor Helper

Jokes not funny enough?

Or perhaps you just need to annoy the wife?

Try "Instant Rimshot"!

Follow the link below, and just press the big red button at the end of your punchline or witicism!

You'll be glad you did!

Instant Rimshot

In Case You're Keeping Track

Last month I complained about spending $48 for less than 15 gallons of gas.

Just now we paid $63.00 for 16.89 gallons . . .


"It felt like that pump nozzle was lower . . ."

Proper Names

The head of the WHO (World Health Organization)'s department of HIV/Aids is
Kevin de Cock.

Seems fitting . . .

What Am I Talking About?

Respond below with your best idea as to what I am talking about:

Today Nick had to rush to the Lutherie for an adjustment, because his loose nut socket caused one of his strings to snap.

He also had a problem with a buzzing G-string.

Update for this Week

I've been away this week, tending to a really nasty summer cold, and dealing with life, work (please note the two are not synonymous), etc.

A couple things to take note of this week:

The International Space Station had its one and only toilet fixed this week.
Can you image the travel charges on that one? Hope they didn't have to go back for parts like my guy always does. Remember long car trips with 70's style dads--"Ah, shut up, and just stick it out the window!"

Hillary Clinton is supposed to drop out of the Democratic presidential race tomorrow.
Here's a couple little facts about poor little beleaguered Hillary, take from the recent book "I Hate Hillary" by Thomas Williams.

(Before I start, why is it if a democrat has an unflattery book written about them, with any sort of style and wit, it is thrown in the "Humor" section of the bookstore, while anything about Republicans is automatically considered hard-hitting journalism, and assigned the "Politics & Govt." section, or a featured sales table?)

Anyway, we all know about Hillary's claims of being under gunfire when she visited Bosnia--although video showed that to not only be untrue, but showed a little girl greeting her with flowers.

She also claimed Chelsea (who I would say has a face like a cocker spaniel, only at the risk of insulting cocker spaniels) was in danger on 9/11, because she was jogging in the area of the Twin Towers at the time. Chelsea herself blew (no pun intended, Bill) the story, when she admitted waking up late in her apartment on the other side of the city.

Also, when Hillary met Sir Edmund Hillary, the legendary scaler of Mt. Everest, she tried to impress him by telling him that he was one of her parents' heroes, and they even named her after him. For the record, the witch was born in 1949. Sir Edmund made his record climb of Everest in 1953.



More Bitch News: "Sex and the City: the Movie" made more than Indiana Jones in its first week.
Ooohhh, giggle, giggle! You go girls! By the way, this piece of crap made about $47.5 million in its opening week, and only because every girlie-girl and gayly-gay was encourage by the press to go see it.

Indiana Jones still made $46 million, in that, it's second weekend, after making about $180 million domestic and $175 international in its opening weekend.

On a personal note, I'm just glad neither movie used the slogan "Let's Whip It Out, Again!"

First Survey Results

Thanks to everyone who participated (all five of you).

It was a whopping 100% whose workplaces have suffered due to "catty behavior" or outright bitchiness. This was an unscientific, wholly voluntary survey, and in all ways indicative of the current climate at my current place of employement.

The Super Green Beret

Happy Memorial Day, everyone.

Here's a little treat with a timely theme for today, the online adventures of "Tod Holton, Super Green Beret". Teenage boy Tod Holton, using his magical green beret, can transform into an asskicking all-American super-soldier!

Just click on the cover images, or use the page numbers in white at the top of the web page to read his adventures.




PS--Saw the new Indiana Jones today at 9:30 a.m. (a great time to go and avoid the rudeness of teenagers). Liked it a lot. Thought it was a great revisit, but not as good a closing episode as "Last Crusade".

Harrison Ford can still crack a whip without breaking a hip!

Communists Want Indiana Jones Banned

The Russian Communist Party called for the new "Indiana Jones" movie to be banned from Russian theatres, condemning it as "crude, anti-Soviet propaganda that distorts history."

The fourth Indy film went on release in Russian cinemas on Thursday, landing 808 screens, the widest ever release for a Hollywood movie in the former USSR.

Here are some reviews from some cranky Reds:

Viktor Perov, Communist Party member from St. Petersburg: "What galls is how together with America we defeated Hitler, and how we sympathized when Bin Laden hit them. But they go ahead and scare kids with Communists. These people have no shame."

Andrei Gindos, card-carrying party member: "Harrison Ford and Cate Blanchett (are) second-rate actors, serving as the running dogs of the CIA. We need to deprive these people of the right of entering the country."

Sergei Malinkovich, St. Peterburg Communist Party chief: "Our movie-goers are teenagers who are completely unaware of what happened in 1957. They will go to the cinema and will be sure that in 1957 we made trouble for the United States and almost started a nuclear war. It's rubbish ... In 1957 the communists did not run with crystal skulls throughout the U.S. Why should we agree to that sort of lie and let the West trick our youth?"

There's nothing like the combination of failed political ideology and senility . . .
. . . or maybe they're just sore losers.


"Ha! Ha! Ha! Stupid Commies!"

Let Her Know Who's Boss

After the California State Supreme Court decision last week that legalized gay marriage, state officials are in a hurry to update marriage license forms.

The current one-page form uses ‘‘bride’’ and ‘‘groom’’ four times each, and also requires the signatures of an ‘‘unmarried man’’ and an ‘‘unmarried woman,’’ wording that is obviously out of step with the California Supreme Court ruling opening the way for gay marriages.

In Massachusetts, the only other state to legalize gay marriage, ‘‘bride’’ and ‘‘groom’’ were dropped from its marriage certificate in favor of ‘‘Party A’’ and ‘‘Party B.’’ Those individuals then check a box to indicate male or female. In Vermont, which issues certificates of civil union for gays, couples also are identified as ‘‘Party A’’ and ‘‘Party B.’’

Don't wait guys! Let your hetero wife know who's boss!

I stormed right in and told her "I'M PARTNER A! You're PARTNER B! Get used to it!"

(This official declaration will eventually come in useful, for, as we all know, sooner or later, "B" will be for "Bitch".)

And I'm going to get a lot of mileage out of that one.

Saudis Host First Film Festival

Here's a story from the Associated Press yesterday, with additions:

DAMMAM, Saudi Arabia - It's a far cry from the glamour of Cannes: No celebrities strutting their stuff; an all-male audience drinking coffee and juice rather than champagne; and if any female spectators showed up — well, "no one knew". They came in through a back entrance into a separate hall, off-limits to the male organizers.

There's been an upsurge in Saudi movies, usually short films that cannot be screened officially, and several newspapers now have a weekly movie page that highlights the cultural value of cinema.

That has angered conservatives who have flooded newspapers with statements denouncing the movie industry for encouraging decadence, showing the drinking of alcohol and portraying men and women together.

The shadow of the kingdom's conservatives was not far off at this event. Just before the celebration began, a group from the Committee to Prevent Vice and Promote Virtue dropped by. They went into the screening hall and asked that the four female Saudi and non-Saudi journalists who were present be moved from the middle of the room to side chairs in the front row. The evening then continued without further disruptions.

(What gentlemen.)

The Playbill:

"Mosque of Zorro"
"The Goats of Navarone"
"The Incredible Hakeem"
"Do Mess with the Zohan"
"What Happens in Fallujah . . ."
"The Sisterhood of the Traveling Burkha" (cancelled due to stoning)
And
"Flight 93: The Musical".

Feel free to add more titles.

Indiana Jones and the Walker of Doom

We, like half the movie-going public, are planning to see the new Indiana Jones movie this Memorial Day weekend. Despite pokes by Eurotrash movie snobs, I'm sure it will still be fantastic!

Even if Ford needs viagra for his whip.


"You damn kids keep off my lawn."

So That Accounts for the Driving

So Ted Kennedy has a brain tumor . . .

. . . what were the chances that a longterm Democrat would indeed have brain damage?

Snow Ninjas vs. the Winterkill Zombies

Here is a quick little trailer/home movie we made over winter break. There are more plans for similarly themed items this summer. Enjoy.




If you like it, here's our page at youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/groovyapeman

Hello

Since I'm now exhausted from initially setting up most of this blog, I'm going to feed the dogs and be back later.

Expect the same sort of sarcastic humor and pointed observations that you may have found at my former blog, troublebrewing.blog.com.

Unfortunately, disgust with their medieval memory restrictions and life events have taken me away for awhile.

Now with the advent of summer, I'm back.