Friday, October 16, 2009

Honolulu Zombie Examiner Application

Originally I tried to become the Honolulu Zombie Examiner, after discovering the Denver one was already taken.

The folks at Examiner.com won't let you write in two different location markets (even though an author can write a book set in any city, or any planet for that matter, from their own physical location without it being any real conflict of interest).

Carol Orsini was nice enough to create the Longmont spot for me, though.

Since I think it still deserves to be read, here is my brief application piece with accompanying info for the Honolulu Zombie Examiner.

Please note how I completely bullshitted (bullshat?) my way through insider knowledge with the help of some minor research.

I still stand behind Kona Brewing Company, though.

Excerpts for Larry's Honolulu Zombie Examiner Application:

Select your edition : Honolulu
How long? : Visited several times.
What's your insider knowledge? : If you’re looking for beer in Honolulu, Kona Brewing at the Koko Marina has the best ales, but you can’t beat the food pairing at the monthly brewing dinners hosted by Dave Campell at Sam Choy’s Big Aloha Brewery off the North Nimitz Highway.

Category : Games & Hobbies
Specific Topic : Honolulu Zombie Examiner

What would you like to write about? : I will seek to engage and inform readers about both the advantages and disadvantages of living in the islands during a zombie uprising. I will also keep them up to date on all things undead, including upcoming books and movies, such as “Zombieland”.

What qualifies you? : I am a longtime zombie enthusiast. I am well versed in their lore and methods. Working in a book store, I have also had plenty of time to read numerous accounts and projections of their attacks, especially the works of Max Brooks and David Wellington. I have also had substantial success writing as the Denver Dog News Examiner, and am looking to branch out into other subjects.

What makes you different? : Currently I am developing a novel with the working title of “Undead in Paradise” about a zombie outbreak on Oahu, and I think that both the book project and this position could benefit from my writing.

Article 1: Disney Princesses drawn as zombies: the art of Jeffrey Thomas
Article 2: Where to hold up #4: Save the brewery!
Article 3: Review of “Zombieland”
Preparing, uploading photos : 5
Creating Hyperlinks : 5
Embedding Videos : 5
Online promotion through sites like Digg : 3



Your article : 3 Pros and Cons about a zombie invasion in Hawaii
Nobody really wants to be stuck in a zombie uprising. Sure, it appears romantic enough in the movies, but when the brains splatter the wall, you really only have two choices--release your bladder and surrender or fight.

Living in Hawaii presents certain advantages, and disadvantages, toward fighting an ever increasing army of the undead. Here are some things to consider.

Pro: Hawaii is first and foremost an island. We are far enough away from the mainland U.S. and other countries to avoid initial heavy, and continued, devastation. In Max Brooks’ fictional work, “World War Z”, the president and the remaining heads of the American government even relocate here. You can also island hop if you’re overrun locally.

Con: Hawaii is an island, far from the mainland U.S. and other countries. That means we are cut off and on our own. If a stray airliner full of contaminated passengers (like in the movie “Flight of the Living Dead”) lands or crashes here, or a zombie-inducing pandemic hits, don’t expect supplies and reinforcements to show up any time soon.

Pro: We have natural resources, especially food, to last quite awhile. You can maintain a healthy diet, and even stay alert on Kona coffee.

Con: The zombies also have plenty of food. Besides, you can only eat so much fruit. Too much citrus corrodes the teeth. And again, medicine and other supplies may not be coming in the near future, or at all.

Pro: Hawaii provides excellent geographical defenses. The natural terrain provides plenty of vantage points to hide, from which to mount a counter offensive, and even volcanoes to burn the offending corpses. The warm weather and salt air are also conducive to meat spoilage, meaning that zombies will decay and lose their predatory effectiveness faster here than in a colder, drier climate. Tough luck, Colorado.

Con: Due to the island status, if infection is widespread and growing, it may only be a matter of time. Paradise can turn to a prison quickly.

Your best bet in any scenario is to remain calm, stay alert, and prepare. In the upcoming months, I will help you with all three. Just pray that we still have time.

I am the new Longmont Zombie Examiner

With Google reclassifying Examiner.com's offerings, and all E's writers suffering a 55% or worse drop in views recently, I have taken on a second assignment as "The Longmont Zombie Examiner".

You can check out my first few articles here:

http://www.examiner.com/x-25605-Longmont-Zombie-Examiner

I am still continuing as the Denver Dog News Examiner.